Grace for the Broken

February 21, 2018

To have compassion for those who go through the unthinkable in life is not uncommon. To extend it to those who suffer the loss of love and unrealized dreams due to divorce is also not uncommon. 

But to have grace through compassion for someone that has not fully healed or moved on in the timeframe you deem is necessary is an entirely different story. Someone (once a friend) said to me, "you're still not over that? Wasn't that like three years ago?" True story. This person no longer has a front-row view of my life.  

Would you have grace for the person who, after eight years, still hasn't "gotten over" her husband's leaving his key on the kitchen counter as he walked out the front door? 

I haven't had that kind of grace. I'm a "pull up your bootstraps" kind of girl. So when I look in the mirror, I have often looked at my reflection with disappointment. "Shouldn't you be over this by now? Wasn't that eight years ago!!"

In many ways, I have moved on. I refused to go through the cycle of his addiction one more time when he asked for his key back. Instead, I sold our home and moved closer to my grown children.  

I made new friends and am blessed with three beautiful grandchildren I adore. I have peace (on most days) in my heart and walk closely with God. Yet, I finally filed for the divorce I never wanted because he refused to do it. I know—the irony. 

But in other ways, I know I haven't moved on as many others have. But I also don't believe that an actual one-flesh joining of two people can be ripped apart, leaving both parties suddenly one *whole* person again, if ever— regardless of the circumstances. Sure, some people become bitter and angry, making it look on the outside they've moved on quickly— but if it's easy to move on after the dissolution of what God joined together, then something doesn't add up in my God-filled heart.  

Sure, I wish I could be like so many others and trade in that old baggage for some new shiny luggage. Life would be so much easier, and I would blend in better with the world I live in. 

But easy isn't my destiny. So today, with intention, I find grace for myself. Today, I choose to walk upright with purpose and hope even though there is no masking this brokenness. 

Today is what would have been my 14th wedding anniversary. The irony is that my ex-husband is on a cruise and I'm over here writing this from the comfort of the bed we once shared. So instead of buying myself flowers and taking on this day solo as I have so many years prior, I will pour out the goodness of God who works in and through my brokenness and not despite it. 

Six weeks ago, I sent invitations to many women I did not even know, willing to open my home and heart to them. So beginning tonight, we will go on a journey of abundance through brokenness. Of course, our stories will be different, but none of us have been without pain and none of us without the love of God.

Many people are broken but deny its power. We see brokenness as failure and weakness at its core. We have no room and indeed no grace for it. Yet, so many choose to bury it as I did for so many years. 

Jesus was broken. He possessed all the power and majesty of God, yet He chose the broken way. 

There is grace in the broken way. 

So beginning tonight, 12 women will laugh, cry and celebrate over the next six weeks together because that's the goodness of God in the midst of the broken. 

I find it no surprise that He once again chose twelve.