Unmet Expectations

July 31, 2017

I recently read a blog that said the number one cause of divorce was unmet expectations.

That led me to reflect on relationships in general.

I think unmet expectations in any relationship can cause discord and or disappointment.

Whether it be marriage or relationships of any kind, the problem is usually our communication style. Do we convey those expectations, or do we expect others to climb into our headspace and know what we're thinking?

I've been on both sides.

I've been in situations in relationships during my younger years where I just assumed the other person(s) should know, and I've also been in situations/relationships where I've voiced what I've wanted or needed only to have it disregarded.

Unmet expectations usually bring forth resentment.

When resentment manifests, it breeds decay. Whether in the mind or the heart. It can lead to broken relationships or cause us to isolate, never taking the risk of being hurt, rejected, or let down again. We just kind of live our lives on autopilot, trying to meet our own needs in ways we were never meant to. Our perspectives are further shaped by the way we choose to live.

I once heard someone say this phrase: "no expectations, no disappointments." That is easier to put through the lips than put to the test. But the truth is, if you are not getting what you need or what is healthy within the relationships you invest in, then perhaps you are not in the right relationships. Please don't confuse this with pouring into the people you feel called to invest in without any return. There is a vast difference between those relationships than those you do life with.

Relationships with people you are doing life with should be mutually beneficial, and if they are not, then it might be time to choose new people. Yes, everyone has busy lives, but people also make time for what they value.

I'd instead abandon anything unhealthy and dysfunctional to experience the fullness of life and connectedness. Iron sharpens iron. We need honest and intentional people in our lives who are just as willing to walk in transparency with us as we are eager to be transparent. Sometimes that requires a risk on our part.

Sometimes it obliges us to go outside of the circles we've been in or to give up on the cliques we didn't seem to fit into. Sometimes it requires us to be uncomfortable and seek out new relationships.  

Sometimes, we have to shake the dust off and begin again, no matter how young or old.

As I get older, I have found that not much in life is what I thought it ought to be.

Attract what you expect.

Reflect what you desire.

Be what you respect.

Mirror what you admire.