The Hard Scary Things

Three years ago, I stood at an impossibly wide and daunting crossroad. For nearly twenty years, my job had been more than just a paycheck; it was a cornerstone of my identity. I'd weathered countless challenges and celebrated many victories within those years. But then, my boss, whom I considered a friend, began to unravel. What started as not-so-grandiose changes in behavior and character soon escalated into erratic and destructive behavior that eventually affected everyone in his path. Meetings became nonexistent, and his decisions seemed more capricious than strategic.

I wrestled with the idea of quitting for months. On one hand, the security and familiarity of my job were comforting. On the other, the toxic environment was beginning to erode my mental health and sense of self-worth. Friends advised me to stay and weather the storm, but I knew deep down that the cost was too high.

The decision came when I realized that my anxiety and dread far outweighed any sense of loyalty or stability. I drafted my resignation letter with a mix of relief and fear. As I sent it in, a wave of uncertainty washed over me, but so did a sense of liberation.

Leaving that job was like shedding a heavy coat that had become too tight. It wasn't easy, and the transition was fraught with challenges, but it also opened doors to new opportunities and self-discovery.

I'm not here to highlight how challenging that first year was. To be entirely transparent, I couldn't get out of bed for over a month. The loss was far greater than just income. But I had to pull myself together because no one else would (or should) carry my weight. There were days, weeks, and months that I felt so alone in a dark world. Thankfully, I did not let my feelings dictate my actions. If that were the case, I would never have gotten out of bed.

Reflecting on that life-changing decision now, I see it as a profound lesson in listening to my own needs and boundaries. The experience taught me that sometimes, the right decision is the hardest to make, but it's often the one that leads to growth and fulfillment.

My life is much better today than it was during those almost twenty years; in fact, it is better than I could have imagined during those uncertain days.

Listen to yourself and do the hard and scary things. Not doing them only holds you back from the future you don't even know is possible!