Superficial Relationships
The Lessons I’ve Learned from Superficial Relationships: Why Authenticity Matters To Me More Than Ever
Betrayal has been a recurring theme in my life, like a magnetic field drawing me into situations where trust was broken. It started with my early experiences with family, where broken promises and unmet expectations marred foundational bonds. As I navigated through life, this pattern seemed to repeat itself with the people I chose as partners/spouses (yes, two) and even friends. Each instance of betrayal added to a growing sense of trauma, leaving me questioning the nature of trust and the value of relationships, and worse— lack of trust in myself.
These experiences, whether from those closest to me or from those who were supposed to be supportive, left scars that influenced my choices in relationships. It was as if I was subconsciously attracting similar patterns of superficial connections and inauthentic relationships where the depth was lacking, and the emotional investment seemed more like a formality than a true bond.
Through this journey, I learned that superficial relationships, much like betrayal, often lack genuine emotional connection and can perpetuate a cycle of dissatisfaction and loneliness. In other words, an emotional connection can exist, but it doesn’t mean it is mutual or that it is genuine. I’ve come to understand that relationship authenticity is not just a preference but a necessity. Now, I’d rather be alone than engage in another superficial connection. The lessons from these experiences have underscored the importance of seeking and nurturing relationships rooted in honesty and genuine connection.
Understanding Superficial Relationships
Superficial relationships involve connections that often operate on the surface level, with interactions limited to casual conversation and routine pleasantries. These relationships typically lack depth, as they don’t delve into personal values, emotions, or significant life experiences. They may serve functional purposes, such as providing temporary social engagement or networking opportunities, but they often fail to offer meaningful support or lasting bonds. Superficial relationships can be easy to initiate and maintain due to their low emotional investment, but they also tend to be more transient, as they lack the foundation of trust and understanding required for deeper, more enduring connections. Recognizing the nature of these relationships can help us distinguish between casual acquaintances and those who contribute more profoundly to our well-being and personal growth.
Lessons Learned
The emotional toll of superficial relationships was palpable. While I was surrounded by people, and it looked good on the outside (that good ole social media view), I often felt isolated and misunderstood. The constant need to present a façade or conform to surface-level expectations drained me.
The real breakthrough came when I recognized that authentic relationships are characterized by honesty, vulnerability, and mutual respect. Genuine connections are built on a foundation of trust and deep understanding rather than fleeting interests or social convenience. Engaging in superficial interactions often left me feeling more alone than when I was by myself, highlighting the need for deeper connections.
The Shift Toward Authenticity
Anyone who knows me knows that my week intensive at the Hoffman Institute was life-changing and helped me to find my voice, which was the foundation to become my authentic self. As I prioritized authenticity, I set new criteria and expectations for my relationships. I sought out people who were open, honest, and who valued meaningful conversations. This shift involved setting boundaries and learning to say no to relationships that didn’t align with my values. It wasn’t always easy, but it was necessary for my well-being. I remember a time, not long ago, when I found myself in a friendship once again, like a familiar pattern where conversations rarely ventured beyond the latest trends or trivial gossip. The connection felt more like a social obligation than a true bond. I started becoming someone I did not want to be, entertaining pathetic conversations I wouldn’t normally partake in. I had come so far in my healing journey that recognizing this was devastating because it meant I had to challenge the relationship to become an authentic one or let it go. Sadly, it was the latter because that ‘friend’ refused the challenge. I also refused to maintain a relationship with anyone who wasn’t interested in being their true self and going deeper than the surface. I get it. When you don’t value yourself, you don’t want to be seen.
Embracing authenticity meant that I also had to become more self-aware and introspective. I realized that the quality of my relationships directly impacted my happiness and self-esteem. By focusing on genuine connections, I found a greater sense of fulfillment and support.
What I’d Rather Do Than Engage in Inauthentic Relationships
Reflecting on the value of authenticity, I’ve realized that there are many things I’d rather do than be involved in relationships that lack depth and sincerity. I’d rather explore new passions and dive into hobbies and activities that truly excite me than maintain relationships that drain my energy. I’d rather focus on personal growth and invest time in self-improvement and personal development than waste emotional resources on relationships that don’t contribute to my well-being. I’d rather cultivate genuine friendships and build meaningful relationships based on trust and mutual respect than maintain superficial acquaintances. I’d rather pursue deep conversations engaging in thought-provoking and heartfelt discussions rather than shallow conversations that lead nowhere. I’d rather spend time with loved ones and cherish and nurture relationships with family and friends who genuinely care for me rather than feel obligated to stay in connections that lack true connection. I’d rather practice self-care by prioritizing my mental and emotional health by setting boundaries and avoiding relationships that are shallow, one-sided, or contribute to backsliding into old patterns.
Embracing Authenticity
Here are a few thoughts for those looking to cultivate more authentic relationships.
Be Honest About Your Values: Share your true self with others. Authenticity begins with being honest about who you are and what you value.
Practice Active Listening: Show genuine interest in others by listening attentively and engaging in meaningful conversations.
Seek Like-Minded Individuals: Spend time with people who share your interests and values, as they are more likely to foster deeper connections.
The benefits of authentic relationships are immense. They provide emotional support, build self-esteem, and create a sense of belonging. These relationships stand the test of time and contribute to our overall well-being.
Closing Thoughts
Reflecting on my journey from superficial connections, many of which involved betrayal, to valuing authenticity has been enlightening. The lessons learned have reinforced the importance of seeking genuine relationships. I’ve never felt like a girl’s girl, nor did I fit into cliques or circles. I don’t have many friends, but I can tell you this—I am OK with that. I am more than OK with that. I truly enjoy my own company and can do many things alone, and I would prefer that than ever entertaining a facade of a friendship.
If you often feel alone in your circle of friends or like your relationships are one-sided, I encourage you to evaluate your connections and consider how to cultivate more meaningful relationships in your life. After all, it’s the authentic bonds that truly shape and enrich our lives.
